redInk

  Faith is pretentious you know? Somehow it made us believe. To make thy soul, from Earthly tether leave. Somehow it writes our afterlife fate. I dare say it plows the pathway to the Devas. For the dead to attain moksha. I care not about the warmth it gives, When the dead’s memories burn in my heart. 

Puffing another joint, With the whiskey sipped lips, With my sight keen on you. On your laugh, on your dance, Keen on your chit chats with your friends.  Smiling whenever you say about me to them. Boasting all your pictures that I took, That’s when your friend said, “he created your memories.” Little did he know that you are all my memory. 

She said it. While we were fucking, While the fluids were oozing. My thoughts were boozing on something,  The time was approaching night. My coping mechanisms were bright, usually then. But I am sure I would have put on a smiley face. Where did I miss? I was cautious enough.  where did I slip? Sure it did not.  How did she find out? She said it. “I see so much despair in your eyes.”  Really girl? On that time? Was it necessary? But surely it did hit me hard more than if she’d said the usual ones whilst doing it.  The scary part is indeed I was drenching in despair all my veins.  That’s all. Not heard any more from her.  Satiated, and I negotiated with the boy who crawls with cigarettes from beneath my bed only at 2 AMs. 

A dog goes rabid.  The blood boiling and rushing to its head rapid. Sharp teeth. On its head sits a pink wreath. With saliva pouring from the mouth, the mussels trembling in anger Growling. Howling. It’s eyes in red glowing. It bit its pups. Poor ones.  Gnawing the bowels of its fellas. Tearing the neck of its lovey dovey Clawing and dismembering its parents What the fuck does it even want? What’s the point doggo? Licking the blood of your loved ones, mourning and letting your head dangle? Damn, it’s fengal. Inside your head doggie? Nobody gets you doggie, They fear you. But they will love you, if you wag your tail to everything and anything they throw at you. Yeah, good boy! Wag your booty, you pathetic fuck.  You are not a wild dog, always hand your leash to someone. You want to be understood in your kennel? shove and pour mercury in your throat through a funnel sicko!  You will bark. You will bite. You cannot help it. You will wait at the window to be loved again....

It didn't matter to you. It did not matter enough for you to utter words.  I hated emojis from then. I fear, I sweat, I bite my nails, skin and make my feelings into a paragraph and send it to you but  It didn't matter to you. You send two emojis.  I hated emojis from then.  I didn't ask for you to give back what I gave you, I hoped at least you would see my feelings. It didn't matter to you. It took a lot to move on from you. Nothing helped me. Deactivating instagram, shutting myself down, nothing helped but you. What helped me was the assurance that you see me as one of some random dudes. But babe, I am not strong enough to say your lover is asking for my nudes.  A chaotic canvas I see and I painted all white to plain.  I recall now that perhaps I did not have any feelings for you, All I wanted was you having feelings for me. Somehow my heart is getting heavier when I keep writing the next word. Thank you for keeping my feelings unheard. Thank...

Beautiful it is how life ties us! Few with gold strings, few with chains It tethered me with a simple lean thread. They say it's about removing the knots and setting oneself free.  Oh! I thought. Little did they know.... Family above all! Their love, their bond, their sacrifices. Incomparable. Lucky are the ones that have a family? (sighs) They helped me detach from the thread and they set me free. No strings attached. Little did I know they tied me with their love. This time I feel a knot in my stomach. Is it an elixir or toxin? Oh! It's a poison, honey. Sweet! What else could be the beauty of life rather than being indebted to the family's love? It is for what we run. They loved me. They wanted me close to them. They showed the world whilst taking my wings. They described the ocean when I was drowning. Never felt bad. But the knot gave me no calm. With dreams as high as palms, I sat down with no clues consumed with blues. I got with it. Couldn't feel more ...