Posts

I hate emojis.

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It didn't matter to you. It did not matter enough for you to utter words.  I hated emojis from then. I fear, I sweat, I bite my nails, skin and make my feelings into a paragraph and send it to you but  It didn't matter to you. You send two emojis.  I hated emojis from then.  I didn't ask for you to give back what I gave you, I hoped at least you would see my feelings. It didn't matter to you. It took a lot to move on from you. Nothing helped me. Deactivating instagram, shutting myself down, nothing helped but you. What helped me was the assurance that you see me as one of some random dudes. But babe, I am not strong enough to say your lover is asking for my nudes.  A chaotic canvas I see and I painted all white to plain.  I recall now that perhaps I did not have any feelings for you, All I wanted was you having feelings for me. Somehow my heart is getting heavier when I keep writing the next word. Thank you for keeping my feelings unheard. Thanks for helping
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Suicide is an art.

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Beautiful it is how life ties us! Few with gold strings, few with chains It tethered me with a simple lean thread. They say it's about removing the knots and setting oneself free.  Oh! I thought. Little did they know.... Family above all! Their love, their bond, their sacrifices. Incomparable. Lucky are the ones that have a family? (sighs) They helped me detach from the thread and they set me free. No strings attached. Little did I know they tied me with their love. This time I feel a knot in my stomach. Is it an elixir or toxin? Oh! It's a poison, honey. Sweet! What else could be the beauty of life rather than being indebted to the family's love? It is for what we run. They loved me. They wanted me close to them. They showed the world whilst taking my wings. They described the ocean when I was drowning. Never felt bad. But the knot gave me no calm. With dreams as high as palms, I sat down with no clues consumed with blues. I got with it. Couldn't feel more
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Mom, I don't want chocolate this time.

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Taking each step towards 'my room' fully drenched in pain and drained to vain.  I see the grey bedsheets and secrets filled pillows Left with no hope in my willows Screaming inside, pushing all words aside, I'm hitting the wall so hard that I break my bone I was hoping all my thoughts would fade and be gone. You hear me hitting the wall but not your son hitting his lowest point.  He is trembling, couldn't pick himself from his lowest point.  He needs help, he seeks you but, every single time when I want to tell you about me, it tires me.  I have a lot of things to tell you the mere thought of it consumes me like a sundew. Now I shall write it here because it's gonna be with. me. I know all the trauma we went through especially the ones you went through.  I do realise and understand the reason behind your constant wants to make me secure.  But, can't you see that your son is feeling safe but not understood? I don't want to be safe I want to be und
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Take as many as you want. Make a beautiful home.

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I was twenty one, he was twenty three With a voyaging heart set free I met him on a blazing afternoon amidst the intern Nothing blazed me in turn We met, we met, we spoke , we spoke. I fell for him. Again. What could I do if I fall in love too often and soon? perhaps I am a lover. He was like all that I longed for, like the one that I wish who loves me so much. I couldn't deny myself saying that I love him. He wasn't at all. He was different.  The rushing love pushed in me. I could feel his love then.  perhaps it made me feel secure and made me care less about my issues. I always had one question in my head. "Why can't you raise your voice to say I love you?" We both knew we were so in love with each other.  I wanted to be the bricks where he would build his home.  I wanted to be his home.  My grey turning black breath didn't fade it haunted me back. My eyelids are always heavy now so does my heart. I ran out of energy, ran out of love. All I expec
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The next time our warmth collides.

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As the Sun slowly touches thy feet. Warming me up every inch of the skin, after the night we collided. And it all stands still,my hairs  Trading yesterday as fare, I run to you, in ecstatic shock. Your golden hands that touched me, made me transcend. Your musk, your sweat which dripped from your eyebrows to mine Could it be wine? That intense pleasure we had, I felt weak. Warmly weak. The next time our warmth collides, I will tell you, I love being weak with you, Lover.
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Lover, the rose in your garden is dead.

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Oh Lover! The 1000 lights smile at me, still. hoping that I'd walk while holding your hand I wish I could make it happen with a wand Little did they know all left to nil. I see all the carpets soaked in mud but is there a chance to bloom? Our love bud. I cross the flower shop you buy me roses. I crossed the garden which we had in our head. I walk by Lavender everyday.  My garden with Roses is all now Oleanders babe. Oh Lover!  It's you, I'd ingest though I know you'd kill me. What can I say? without your warmth, without your smell everyday. I know you have your garden now. I know you always got your Tulips which you wanted. But this rose is left to die in no way. Did you see the rose in the corner is dead? Babe, I beg you. Take this dead rose. and not throw it away like whose Oh Lover! I know what we spoke, it keeps my soul woke But I want my soul to rest with you not be woke I want us to see butterflies in our garden, sipping coke. Why am I left with moths?
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I fed a spider and it felt good.

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Laying in bed, hoping for the dread,  listening to vintage musical diving sceptical. where is my mind?  Losing all, my eyes keen into her her movement, her dance, her hunger I fell for her. I needed a place for us to hide but couldn't find it wide. Will the night be enough for me to find a place to disappear or for her to make her art appear?  I began my run as she kept dancing on her own. My breath shook, my voice was buried but my vision stayed clear. Oh dear, it is love. I lost my mind..  My run leads to a crib, losing all grip I see. My love there, she finishes her dance. What else could do worse than making their love wait?  Felt like one and twenty-five hundredth seconds passing in interstellar.  Lookin' all the green I love, she loved grey more.  I couldn't stand still and admire the green because I hear a sound as I stand by.  That sound, a weep, a weep of widow's woe hastened me.  I ran back to her waiting in a dull corner with her knitted masterpie
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